It hurts
by Significant What
Summary: This is the person he has (still unofficially) decided to spend his life with. This is the person who knows him inside out, knows his mind, body, and soul. This is the person he would do anything for. And Will hates the fighting because it goes against everything he has ever hoped for in a relationship.


Will can't remember how it started, but the fight was just so fucking _stupid_. He is yelling, and Nico is yelling, and they both just won't admit the other is right. Will's chest feels like he's suffocating, because Nico just looks so broken and he's not allowed to get any closer, and a part of him doesn't even want to. Because part of him is just so mad at Nico, for what ever reason, and so he keeps shouting and throwing the cushions across the room, kind of hoping he had the courage to throw something that would make a little more damage.

Will hates every second. He hates fighting, and he especially hates fighting with Nico. Because he loves Nico. This is the person he has (still unofficially) decided to spend his life with. This is the person who knows him inside out, knows his mind, body, and soul. This is the person he would do anything for. And Will hates the fighting because it goes against everything he has ever hoped for in a relationship.

But he doesn't give in. He has too much pride for that. His words don't even register anymore, he can't see through his tears, and he's all out of couch cushions. And suddenly there's a moment of silence, one fleeting moment of eerie quiet, during which all Will can hear is his own heartbeat in his ears. And he blinks, and he sees Nico, and Nico is looking at him. And Will knows that Nico is thinking about it, too, that Nico hates this just as much as he does. But neither of them say anything anymore.

Because in a second it's all over. Nico has turned around, and Will hears the door slam shut in the hall. And Will finally collapses and he's a sobbing mess on the floor, and he doesn't have any anger left in him. All he's got is sad, and pain, and why the _hell_ didn't he stop him, and he cries.

Will cries for what feels like hours. His heart beats in sync with his mind with one thought. _Nico, Nico, Nico, Nico, Nico._ Will wants to run after him, but knows he's far gone. He wants to call him, but knows he won't pick up. Will knows this, because _he_ would be, and _he_ wouldn't. And he cries.

It hasn't been this bad in years. Not since they were still teenagers. Will has forgotten how much it all hurts.

A big part of Will knows that Nico will come back. He _has_ to – Will _needs_ him to. Because he loves Nico more than he loves life, and he needs Nico like he needs the air he breathes, and it's only been a while now but the house feels empty and lonely without him there.

But a smaller part, a tired, weak, horrible part of him, fears for the worst. Fears that this is it, Nico has gone and isn't coming back, and Will's all alone now. When Will walks like a ghost and reaches the bedroom, he almost breaks down again, but he manages to fall down on the bed, on _his_ side of the bed, and curl into a ball there. And he cries again.

Will cries and cries, but this time it's silent. He's too tired to make a sound, too tired to let his body shake violently with the sobs. He lies over the covers on his side, and he drifts off to a dreamless sleep without wanting to.

Later, minutes or hours or days or weeks or _months_ later, Will wakes up to a body pressing against his back and a hand clutching the front of his shirt. He feels Nico's soft and warm breathing on his shoulder, the beating of his heart against his back, the fingers that hold onto the shirt on his chest so tightly the knuckles turn white. And what hurts more than the fight itself is the way Will is sure the back of his shirt is damp with tears.

Nico doesn't cry. Nico never cries. Yet Will can feel the coolness of the damp material against his skin, right where he imagines Nico's eyes to be when the smaller man holds him like this. It feels just like the pillow under his cheek, a cold reminder of how little he tried to stop Nico from storming out. And once again Will's heart beats with _Nico, Nico, Nico, Nico, Nico_.

Slowly, afraid of the other man's reaction, Will turns around and holds Nico's hands in his. Nico's eyes are closed and his breathing is even, but Will knows he's not asleep. Knows from the way the pale face twists in pain, knows from the way Nico's hands hold his like a life line. And Will leans in to press their foreheads together, making some of Nico's tension disappear. The black haired man's lips part and he lets out a long sigh.

"I'm sorry", Will whispers, because he doesn't trust his own voice, and watches as Nico opens his eyes to look at him. Their eyes meet, and Will sees how much Nico is hurting, and knows the other sees his hurt, too, and his eyes are watering again. "I shouldn't have – I… I'm sorry."

Nico holds his hands even tighter if that's even possible anymore, and closes his eyes again – maybe to keep himself from crying, Will doesn't know. "I'm sorry", the man whispers too, and his voice is shaky and it makes Will's heart ache a little more. "Will, I – I hate fighting. I _hate_ it."

Will inches closer until their bodies are flush against each other, and he feels the tears rolling down to the pillow, to join the others. "I know. Me too."

Nico opens his eyes once more, and Will can't remember the last time they looked so vulnerable. Nico is trying really hard not to let the tears fall. "I love you, Will", Will hears him whisper in the dark, and feels the breath on his lips, and maybe, just _maybe_ , all this fighting will be over soon. "I love you, and I don't know what I would do without you."

And Will leans in just enough to catch the other's lips with his, and the kiss is small and delicate and _shit_ Will loves him _so much_. "If it's up to me, you'll never have to find out."

"Good." Nico buries his face to the spot where Will's neck meets the shoulder, and if Will feels tears on his skin he doesn't say anything. Nico is shaking now, so slightly Will wouldn't notice if he wasn't pressed so tightly against him, and Will lets go of Nico's hands to wrap his arms around the man, holding him close to his chest and feeling their hearts beat as one. "Fuck, I love you so much, Will."

Will presses a kiss to Nico's hair and finally smiles a little, because this is them, and this is good, and this is home. And he runs his fingers up and down Nico's spine, silently counting the vertebras like he has a thousand times before, and feels the smaller man calm down, and _yes_ , they were fighting earlier, but he's happy _now_ , and Nico is _there_. "I love you too, Nico. And I'm going to love you for as long as you will have me."

And it's a small, quiet thing, but Will swears it's a laughter, and he feels Nico press his lips against his neck. "Then you better have prepaired for a really long ride."


End file.
